im new here and im happy to be here.
I am the daughter of an alcoholic (obviously). She started drinking when i was about 5 years old. This is a critical time in a child's life. Needless to say it had many detrimental effects on my life. Some that are still in play today. I am 18, you'd think i would be over the fact that i feel like my mom ruined my life, but im not. the worst of it started when i was 11.
I was so mad at my mom one day that i demanded she take me home, (not too smart since she was drunk). but she did and then she left me w/o even saying anything. I don't know why but i grabbed a knife and started cutting legs. i thought it would make things better and it worked, temporarily.
my mom's condition only got worse. she and my step dad got a divorce and i chose to live with my step dad.
my mom has four kids (five if you count the one she gave up for adoption) and she has abandoned all of them. she claims she is a good mother but everyone can see otherwise.
I have told her exactly how i feel about her, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
I am the daughter of an alcoholic (obviously). She started drinking when i was about 5 years old. This is a critical time in a child's life. Needless to say it had many detrimental effects on my life. Some that are still in play today. I am 18, you'd think i would be over the fact that i feel like my mom ruined my life, but im not. the worst of it started when i was 11.
I was so mad at my mom one day that i demanded she take me home, (not too smart since she was drunk). but she did and then she left me w/o even saying anything. I don't know why but i grabbed a knife and started cutting legs. i thought it would make things better and it worked, temporarily.
my mom's condition only got worse. she and my step dad got a divorce and i chose to live with my step dad.
my mom has four kids (five if you count the one she gave up for adoption) and she has abandoned all of them. she claims she is a good mother but everyone can see otherwise.
I have told her exactly how i feel about her, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
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Re: im new here
Thu, February 22, 2007 - 6:41 PMI'm so sorry you had to go through that.
what I find with contemplating alcoholism and the effects on a child's life is the times the parent was there and the times it was the alcohol talking. for a long time i thought, well, everyone has a choice, they are accountable even if they don't remember and truthfully was smug in my knowledge that THEY were addicts and I was not. But maybe I was addicted to feeling sorry for myself. You in the other hand seem to have a good sense of self. Your mom's neglect of you is NOT ABOUT YOU. It should have been. She should have valued the vibrant little soul , the little girl she had the honor of bringing in to this world.
I hope you are not still cutting. Temporary relief. I wonder why it is so common for ACOA to hurt themselves, as if they haven't been hurt enough.
Sending light your way.
Tania -
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Re: im new here
Thu, February 22, 2007 - 8:16 PMthanks for your input. I do know that my mom is a different person under the alcoholism but at the same time even when she is sober she seems so stupid. I do realize that she is the way she is because she has an addictive behavior and that she is the victim of FAS. But at the same time i don't like feeling like i should have to take on the role of being the mother, it should be vice versa.
And sadly yes i still cut. i thought for a long time that it was under control and that i could stop whenever i wanted to, but i now realize that i have very litte control over it and very little urge to stop.
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