Hi, Saahira,
It sounds like you are trying to be a good daighter to your mother. You are clearly showing concern and kindness. The only problem is that I can't see anyway that the situation can continue without you becoming an enabler, which, of course, would be unhelpful to both of you--but most especially to you; your mother is used to it.

She clearly has cast herself in the victim role, which, of course, "means" that nothing is ever her fault. You say that she is in total denial. Don't let that carry over to YOU. You know the truth and I think you need to be strong and speak it. She will probably start to complain and say that you don't care about her, you don't love her. But, stay strong. Tell her that it is becayse you DO care that you are speaking the truth. Remind her that she has chosen to come into your house; she has chosen to make you responsible for her, and the only way you can do that with a clear conscience is to keep it honest. The hardest part is going to be staying strong and not giving in to her stuff. When you don't know what to say, say nothing. She can't argue with that.

Next, since you are now the one "responsible," you should probably make a plan, and tell her what it is. Give her a timeline for getting herself together to move out by a certain date. Take her to your nearest Social Security Office to file for disability. (It's best to call ahead and make an appointment.) I've been all through the process myself, because I'm half-crazy from the various results of growing ip on an abusive alcoholic household--among other things. So, please feel free to PM me about the ins and outs of the Disability process--there are a lot of them, and, as I say, I've been through it. Also, you can ask them what other benefits she might be eligible for in the meantime and how to apply for them. You might also ask about housing.

The one most important thing is that YOU aren't the one to suffer for her problems. As long as someone else takes that on, nothing will ever change. SHE is going to have to be the one accountable for possibly the first time. You need to decide what your boundaries are and then stay firm with them. If you do the above things, then you have really done all you can for her. Be very clear by what date she will have to leave. Remind her often and make it clear that it is firm, and that no one is really responsible for her but herself. She probably will not listen and jist start whining, but that isn't yours to carry. If she's still there the dat before you've said she needs to leave, help her to pack her things, ask her what plans she's made if you don't know, or she hasn't made any. Then tell her that the next day, you will drive her to where she wants to go, or to the bus station and by her a ticket. Then go home and change the locks and your phone number.

It is so, so hard to dealwith alcoholic parents. The hardest part is not falling back into the co-dependent role. That is probably going to require all your strength. But, in a way, you can look at that as a gift. You will have the opportunity tostand ip for yourself and to do the right thing. Intol she gets that the problem is hers and no one else's, there is no hope for change for her. When she starts whining and wheedling, saying your a bad daughter, that you don't love her, etc., you can tell her simply that that is the alcoholic talking and that what you are doing is to try to give her a fresh start. But don't give in to arguments. Maybe you can simply tell her that you won't argue with her.

It's a really hard thing. But, remember, take care of YOU first. When she pishes your bittons, she's being co-dependent. If you need to move the time for her to leave to a sooner date for your own sanity, do so. Please keep us posted.