Oh, Bev, I'm so sorry. I don't have any answers for you and I don't really think there's much you CAN do. I think you need to think about yourself here. What can you fo that would help YOU to feel better? Could you write to your father about how you feel? Would that help? But, with an alcoholic or a user, you can't count in them for anything. Your dad will make his own choices, no matter what you think. And, if you do write to him, make sure that your letter is enough in itself to help you cope. You can't write hoping for a specific answer from him, because you'd probably only be setting yourself up for disappointment.

My father has disowned me because he abused me and someone said something to him about it. Not a word passed between the two of us. I just got this formal, typed letter saying that he chose to "terminate the relationship and move in." Excuse me? I'm his only daughter. How do you terminate that? And HE disowned ME because of the abuse. It just doesn't get any more twisted or ironic than that.

I'm glad that you can still care about your father. But, please, don't let his choices destroy your happiness. The choices are his, and you can't change that.

Hi Bev....I'm a Canadian too...don't know if that helps any, but at least to know that you have a fellow countrywoman at your side...feel like we have to stick together sometimes, you know?

Surv is right, whatever your dad or anyone else does, it's their choice. We are only responsible for our own actions. I too wish that people we love would consider how their loved ones would behave, but alas, it doesn't always work that way. It is a hard road to where one believes that their road is unique, theirs alone and controllable...gawd knows...I'm still working on it. I just found out that my sister's brother-in-law molested his daughter. I wondered how my sister's partner and she felt about it. In the end, she and he have to remove themselves from the brother-in-law's actions - obviously. They are not him. They have not influenced his actions. They are totally removed from that action, in the sense that they have no part of it. I wonder sometimes if that is the best approach to take with an alcoholic parent. We don't pour it down their throats. We aren't the "reason" they do it. Not to say any of that makes it any easier...I know it doesn't really...

I guess my real point is that you can talk it out with us. We're here to listen. Of course we don't have answers. We can only share our own experiences and provide a shoulder. So please take that opportunity if you feel like it is useful to you. Personally, I find it useful and healthy to listen and offer support, so please share with us whatever it is that helps you get through.

hey bev,

whatever your dad (or your friend for that matter) does is his own deal and you are not responsible for him. focus on whatever it takes to live your own life and moving forward.